Cobbett: Kindle Guilt

Wanting an Amazon Kindle makes me feel dirty, but there you go. Had Jeff Bezos announced the UK availability of the latest version, I’d have had one on pre-order before he’d finished the sentence. It’s probably a good thing he didn’t. I’m not sure I’d have been able to face the accusing glare from my bookshelves when I returned home.

In my defence, my interest in Kindle has nothing to do with wanting to somehow jazz up the joy of reading. I don’t find books old-fashioned. I don’t even particularly want to change my reading habits. I love books, in all their primitive dead-tree form. I love the smell of the paper, the crisp sound of a page, the colourful jackets, and the sheer pleasure of a full bookshelf. I feel about books the way that most people feel about music. I can tell you where I bought every single book on my shelves, and I have a lot of shelves. No, my interest in this technology has nothing to do with moving on. I simply find it amazing to think that, whether it comes from Amazon or not, we’ll soon be able to dial up almost any book in the world on demand on a rainy Sunday and consider it nothing out of the ordinary.

I don’t like the idea of DRM on my books any more than I like it on other media. I don’t see myself moving away from paper as far as my proper library goes. I definitely have issues with the Kindle in its current form, not least that it isn’t yet designed to send painful electric shocks to anyone who buys more than one Dan Brown book, but as a way of scratching the new-book itch, sign me up. I’ve been mentally preparing for this bright new future with other random acts of heresy, not least my current addiction to audiobooks.

Despite having the kind of figure that makes the Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters feel good about skipping the gym in favour of a night eating chips on the couch, I do a lot of walking, and burn through a lot of content in the process. Audiobooks are insanely expensive compared to actual books, unless you purchase a subscription to Audible (£7.99/£14.99 a month for one or two audiobooks). They’re also frequently abridged, although the listening experience has been notably better in recent years. Full cast recordings remain rare, but the actors being hired to do readings are typically excellent at doing the voices, retaining the dramatic and comedic elements rather than simply rattling from start to finish.

It can lead to some amusing confusion with some of the autobiographical ones – I’m currently in the market for someone with a better voice to follow me around and redub my sentences on the fly, in much the same way that Bill Bryson really needs to acquire Kerry Shale or William Roberts on retainer – but it’s still a great way to pass the time. Nothing makes you feel manlier at the gym than sweating away while casually listening to an old Raymond Chandler hard-boiler – with the possible exception of being vaguely fit and capable of making it down the steps without a crash team and oxygen tent.

The one place I can’t enjoy a good book is on my computer screen. I’ve tried, but it doesn’t work. Project Gutenberg, Creative Commons, dedicated writing sites… it’s never clicked for me. My eyes glaze over within a few paragraphs. I read the exciting bit and feel instantly compelled to check my email. It’s exactly the same on mobile devices, only with an extra dollop of eye-strain between me and the plot. I’m aware that there are some people who will happily read a novel on the iPhone. These people are crazy. As with everything, the more you need to protest how seamless it is, the less it’s likely to be true.

E-ink is definitely the solution to this. I’ve played with a few e-readers over the last few years, and the technology is excellent. Kindle is unquestionably the biggest player in the market right now, but all of the coming batch are built on the same principles. In terms of design, I actually prefer Sony’s offering – but given a choice, I’d put my money firmly behind Amazon being the company that makes the industry work. It could have been Apple, but more than three licenses to print money per company would be greedy. As for Microsoft… no. Whether it’s the failure of the Zune, the company’s constantly flickering obsession with DRM, or simply that the mere thought of putting the future of the written word into Microsoft’s hands fills my bladder with bubbling liquid phlegm, I can’t see anything good coming out of that particular mash-up.

Of course, all this is academic. We can’t buy Kindle over here yet. The current scuttlebutt is that we might be able to by the end of the year, but that’s not based on anything official. Let the record show though, this is one bibliophile who’s more than ready to be shown The Future. Just as long as it keeps its damn futuristic hands off my books. I have to draw the line somewhere, after all.

UPDATE: Since this column was written, Amazon released the iPhone version of its Kindle book viewer in the US. Richard still wouldn't read the next Discworld book on it, but a travel guide or similar would be another story. Sadly, we still can't get either.